My Misery Belongs To You
by pansy1980
Summary: 1 year after endgame. Kathryn and Chakotay fight and nothing is the same again between them.*** And now a NEW conclusion!***
1. Chapter 1

My Misery Belongs to you

It had been months since she had seen anyone. It wasn't like she had done it on purpose. Actually she had done a little disappearing on purpose. Since Kathryn Janeway had arrived home the only thing she wanted to do was hide. Hide from the press, hide from Star fleet and hide from him.

Kathryn Janeway was someone who had always stood her ground. She was someone who could fend off anyone who tried to get in her way. But this situation. The situation of being home, on Earth again made her beyond nervous. It made her long to be lost in the Delta Quadrant all over again.

Kathryn remembered the first time her father had come home from a dangerous mission. There were crowds of people at her house for weeks after the initial homecoming. Back then she wanted nothing more than to be like her father, to enjoy rubbing elbows with Star fleet's elite. But now times had changed and the only thing she wanted to do was hide. Hide from all of it.

Things had changed for Chakotay as well. After Seven had told him that he was insufficient for her, Chakotay's pride had been hurt. Deep inside him he knew that it would have never lasted, but his pride was still injured. He walked away from Star fleet alone, confident that he could forget the Delta Quadrant, but mostly her.

It was a typical rainy afternoon when Kathryn took a break, to cuddle in the corner next to the giant window in her office. She stared at the raindrops as they fell across the pane. He mind returned to the Delta Quadrant, the people that she missed, but mostly it recalled her non existent relationship with Chakotay.

Even though it had been a year since they had spoken the rash words between them, she had to admit that his words still stung. A part of her was lost that day, in that argument, with him. She never thought that she could ever be as angry as she was that day.


	2. Mean Words

My Misery Belongs to you

Pt2

It had started with an idea that they both had together. A simple scholarship so that if they ever returned to Star fleet, the new members of their journey could have a full opportunity without the hassle of first year jitters. The scholarship had started with Kes, but after she left Voyager, the two of them put the scholarship idea aside until a suitable alternative could be found.

Thats what Kathryn thought anyway.

Boy, was she ever wrong. Things between her and Chakotay had become hostile. The trouble had started ever since the Voyager crew had been kidnapped and sent to the nearby planet of Quarra, to work. Kathryn didn't remember any of it, in fact the only thing that she did remember was what her first officer had told her.

Apparently she fell in love with one of the locals and they had moved in together. Kathryn had been taken back by the news claiming that she had never done something so spontaneous before in her life.

Chakotay agreed with her and then said something under his breath.

"What was that Chakotay?"

Chakotay looked at her straight faced. "I asked if there was anything else."

"No Chakotay, that will be everything."

Kathryn had heard what he had said. How could he have said that? She had never been loose with any men. It made her angry. Why would someone who claimed to be her friend say something like that about her? She pushed her hurt feelings aside and began to concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Then came the Borg wormhole. They had just stumbled upon it, just missing one of the huge cubes. They had reversed course away from the wormhole. Back to safety.

Kathryn had been sipping coffee with her lucky tea cup in hand when had come into her ready room. They had been chatting about Chell's new position as head cook. And then it came out of his mouth.

"I thought you should know Kathryn that I have given the scholarship to Seven. I think that she is far more qualified than most, and I think she is the best candidate."

Kathryn's fingers went numb and she dropped her lucky teacup. When it hit the floor it burst into small pieces. She was so stunned that she just keep watching them. The pieces seemed to mock her. Almost as if they were saying that her life was nothing more than broken bits of garbage. And then she let him have it.

"Why on Earth would you do something like that without letting me know first. That scholarship was something that we came up with together!"

"Honestly Captain, I didn't think that you would give my girlfriend a fair chance."

"GIRFRIEND? Seven is your what! You have got to be kidding me. She is like 50 years younger than you with the emotional advantages of a teenager!"

"Not that it is any of your business Kathryn, but I love her."

"Now I now I have heard everything. You love her! I thought that you loved me!" As soon as she said it she covered her mouth. She forced back tears.

Chakotay took two steps and looked her right in the face. "How could I ever love someone who only cares about themselves. Someone who is a bitch. But I know what your real problem is Kathryn. Your real problem is that you haven't had sex since you were a teenager! And while we are on the topic, who the hell are you to tell me, a grown man who I can and cannot love!"

Kathryn spit in his face. "Go be with your lover Chakotay. When she finds out that you can't please her she will leave you for a man that can.!"

"Fuck you Kathryn! I know I can perform better than an hologram you have ever had!"

"Tell that to your teenage bride! And make sure you listen for the phrase is that it, because that is all you are going to hear from her after your done!"

Chakotay pushed her back. She tripped over one of the stairs and fell over. She got up and smacked him hard. He retaliated and pushed her into the desk causing the computer to crash over the side. The two of them were winded. But somehow Kathryn managed to kick him in the chest. He ducked the kick but lost his balance and fell on top of her.

She cried out, and he was about to smack her when he realized that her eyes were closed. Something was wrong.

"Chakotay to the doctor. Medical emergency!"


	3. My Misery

My misery belongs to you

pt3

Chakotay was in his quarters when he got the report from the doctor. Kathryn has sustained two broken ribs during the altercation in her ready room. Chakotay was still stunned by the whole incident. He couldn't believe that he had pushed her that hard. The doctor tried to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. Apparently some of her ribs had cracked slightly over the years, but Kathryn had refused any treatment. Even thou the doctor tired to calm his nerves he felt like a monster.

Maybe he was a monster.

Chakotay remembered when one of the unknown species in the delta quadrant had contacted him. The only thing that he remembered about them was that he kept repeating phrases that made no sense. He had been playing in his boxing simulation what it had first occurred. He nearly took Tuvok out that day. Apparently the species had made him stronger than the Vulcan. A small smile crossed his lips as he thought of damage that he could have caused to the former traitor of his vessel.

But he had more important things to deal with. For instance, his date with Seven tonight. He could hardly wait he was so excited. And just as he was finishing getting ready, when he got a call from the doctor. Chakotay was dressed for his date when he went to sickbay. And thank the spirits that he was already in sickbay because if he hadn't been he would have been there shortly.

Setting on one of the biobeds was an older Kathryn Janeway. Next to her was the current Kathryn Janeway. Neither of them spoke as he made his way toward both of them.

The Admiral turned to her younger self. "Could you give us a minute captain?"

Kathryn shrugged. "I'm due on the bridge. Please let me know when you are through." The younger Kathryn left leaving the admiral and Chakotay alone.

He didn't speak. Neither did she. They just stared at one another for what seemed to be both of their lifetimes. And then finally she started to speak, quietly but directly to the point.

"Commander, I want to be as clear as possible with you. It has taken me many years to come to this conclusion, and frankly I still don't know if it is the right conclusion or not. I know that many years ago I felt love for you, and you felt the same for me. The years passed and our love grew. Secretly I wanted to tell you how impressed I was with you, and how much I truly cared for you. And then we had a fight, a huge fight, and things were never the same between us."

"With all due respect Admiral, I do have a date tonight, and I am already running a bit late. So if you could just get on with it, I'm sure Seven would really appreciate it."

"Then I will get right to the point. I have loved you all along, Chakotay. To me you were the best thing I have ever found, second to coffee. But my misery, and my heartache belong to you. I hope that you and Seven find happiness together. She deserves the best and so do you. But I can't help being a bit jealous of her. After all she got what I always wanted to have. You.

Chakotay didn't say a word for a few moments.

"If that will be all Admiral, I really should be going."

The Admiral got up. And walked toward him. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. Chakotay was in shock by the gesture. She had never even come close to doing anything so personal before. When she let go she walked by him, and said good-bye.

She almost made it to the door, before he grabbed her arm and spun her around. He looked into those eyes, those eyes that could make a Klingon blush, and gently he kissed her.

And then Seven walked in with Kathryn next to her.


	4. New Starts and Fast Endings

My misery belongs to you

pt4

Seven approached Chakotay and smacked him across the face. "You are irrelevant. Consider our relationship terminated." Kathryn was still standing in the doorway, her jaw almost to the floor. She didn't say a word as Seven left. Kathryn just stood there watching her older self and trying to erase the memory of the sight she had just encountered. Finally her older self spoke.

"Captain, I know what you are thinking. After all I am you. You know that you love him you have loved this man for years. You have no idea how devastating it has been for me to live without him all these years. Knowing that if I had only said something to him, maybe he would have been mine, all those years ago."

"With all due respect admiral. Have you lost your mind! I don't love this man, in fact when we get home I am planning on leaving Earth for good just so I don't have to be on the same planet as him!"

"The admiral turned to her younger self. "I can't believe I was always so stubborn. No wonder this man went after another women. He couldn't take your attitude any longer. Your young Kathryn Janeway so let me give you a tip from an old women. It's horrible to be alone, but it's even worse to watch the man that you love in the arms of another women."

Chakotay decided to excuse himself, which he did.

Then the admiral told Kathryn something that even she had a hard time swallowing. In the future Chakotay and Seven were married. And that Seven died and Chaktoay was never the same. And that she was never the same after loosing Chakotay. Kathryn refused to believe any of it. And decided to put it all out of her mind.

Then Voyager came through the wormhole. They were home. They had all done it.

Kathryn went to her ready room and watched as the Earth rotated. The Admiral had sacrificed herself to warn her about her decisions. But Kathryn hadn't given them credence. She figured that the Admiral was only trying to scare her. And after years in the Delta Quadrant she wasn't afraid of anything. Especially her first officer.

She headed back to the bridge. Climbed up the stairs and nearly fainted at what she saw. Chakotay was kneeling in front of Seven. In his hand he had a box. Kathryn was just in time to hear him utter the words that she hadn't heard since Mark had spoken them.

"Will you marry me, Seven?"

Seven looked shocked. She knelt in front of him. "I am confused. Could you please tell me what the correct thing to say or do in this circumstance is please."

Kathryn sighed. "Seven if you want to marry Chaktoay and spend the rest of your life with him, you say yes. If you reject his offer you say no."

Seven smiled. "I understand, thank you Captain. Chakotay I do not wish to marry you. Especially since you were kissing the captain only a few hours ago."

Tom had just returned from sickbay when he heard the last sentence. It was his turn for his jaw to drop.


	5. Chapter 5

My misery belongs to you

pt5 (Conclusion)

When Tom walked onto the bridge, and saw Chakotay on one knee, he immediately thought that he had won the betting pool. But as his gaze shifted to the person that Chakotay was keeled in front of everything changed. He noticed his captain, and his friend standing alone by her chair on the bridge. Kathryn was silent, and Tom understood the situation in front of him, and decided to stay quiet himself.

Tom never understood why Chakotay would have chosen Seven over Kathryn, but it wasn't any of his business so he decided to stay out of it, and he did.

That was a year ago. A whole year. 365 days. 8,766 hours. 525,949 minutes. 31,556,926 seconds.

Kathryn Janeway was a year older. She didn't know where the time had gone. Just yesterday it seemed like she was still stuck in the delta quadrant, on Voyager.

But instead she was here, in her office at Star fleet headquarters. She was an admiral, something that she had wanted since she was a child. These days she often wondered if her older self had been right. It was something that bothered her constantly these days. She often admitted it to herself silently, that she missed him, that she missed his friendship. But the sting of their words still hurt a year later.

So on this particularly rainy San Fransisco day, Kathryn Janeway watched the raindrops from her office. After another subconsciouss thought about Chakotay she decided that maybe she shouldapologizee to him. Perhaps she could began the patching part of their relationship. Kathryn was just about to call her aide to find out some information on his possible whereabouts, when their was a knock at her door.

"Come in."

"Sorry to bother you Admiral but there is a man here to see you. He says he is an old friend. I told him that he needed an appointment but he says that it is not necessary."

From behind the door she heard a familiar voice. And there he was in person in her office.

"What I said was Kathryn and I are old friends. We used to work together, and we have known one another under the best and worst situations. Thats why I don't need an appointment, or do I Kathryn?"

"Of course not Chakotay, please sit down." The aide left a new hot pot of coffee for them and took her leave.

Chakotay smiled. "You look well Kathryn. How are you these days?"

"Busy, and bored." She laughed and for a moment Chakotay rem embed a different Kathryn Janeway.

"Look Kathryn, I know that you are busy so I just wanted to make this short. I feel bad for the way we acted the last day that we were on Voyager together. I said some things that I am not proud of. Things that I said just to hurt you and they weren't fair. And I am here today to apologize to you, in person."

"I didn't know that you were a mind reader Chakotay. I was just going to try contacting you and try to re patch our friendship. I feel terrible about the things that I said about you. And regardless of what you may think, I know that you never meant to hurt me. The doctor told me a hundred times about my cracked ribs, but I was stubborn and determined to wait until I wasn't so busy. But that time never came. You have to know Chakotay, that I don't blame you for what happened."

"Thank you Kathryn, this closure means a lot to me. If you will excuse me, I really should be going, and I know you probably have a starship load of work to do."

"Chakotay."

He turned around slowly. "Yes Kathryn."

She stood up and faced him for the first time in a year. "Do you think that you and I could maybe get some dinner together sometime, I mean when you are in town. Maybe we could spend some alone time together."

Chaktoay's head dropped. "Kathryn, I can't, I'm sorry."

It was Kathryn's turn for her head to drop. "Oh."

He was immediately by her side. He took her hand and she began to shake. And then she noticed something on his finger.

"Kathryn, I'm a married man. Seven is my wife."

Kathryn put her head back. "Congratulations Chakotay. I wish nothing but happiness for both of you."

"Thank you Kathryn. I have to run, and thank you for the closure."

"Your welcome."

After he left Kathryn took her place back by the window. Perhaps this is what the Admiral had warned her about all along. That her misery belonged to herself.

THE END


	6. New conclusion

My Misery 6

After many many many feedbacks of disgust!, I added one more chapter. So this is for all of you people who hated the original ending!

3 months later-

Kathryn Janeway had come home to Indiana for a weeks rest. She felt as if she were suffocating in her office, and that the walls were closing in on her. It was almost like the first time she ever got into a turbo lift.

Her mother and sister were happy to see her. They all talked at length while Kathryn gorged herself on food, that she didn't have to prepare herself. After dinner Kathryn's mom retired to the bedroom, while Phoebe began to clear the table. Phoebe eyed her sister, who was still eating, and threw a roll across the table at her.

"Hey!"

"I talked to a handsome man today Kathryn."

"You think all men are handsome Phoebe."

"So true. But this one was particularly handsome. Just a bit older, just a tad of grey, very smart. So completely drop dead gorgeous. I invited him over."

"Great Phoebes, its been a long time since I saw you embarrass yourself in front of a guy. It's almost like dinner and a show!" Kathryn laughed as Phoebe armed herself with another roll. Just then the doorbell rang.

Phoebe walked over to the door and looked through one of the windows. "And here is Mr Prince Charming now!"

"Great I can warn him in advance about my sister."

Kathryn didn't waste time looking through the window first. Instead she went straight for the door and opened it. Phoebe stood directly behind her sister.

"Hello Kathryn."

Phoebe stood next to her sister. "Glad to see you found the house OK Chakotay. I believe you know my sister, I have to be going now."

Kathryn was to stunned for words. But she was sure that her sister could feel the death glare on her back as walked away. Even thou her sister was younger than she was, there were still times that Phoebe could surprise her. And this differently was a surprise.

"Kathryn is it OK if I come in?"

"I guess. We just finished dinner but I could heat you up something, if your hungry."

"Did you cook it?"

"No."

Chakotay smiled. "Not this time Kathryn maybe some other time."

"So what brings you to Indiana Chakotay?"

"In a word. You."

"Me?"

"I have missed you Kathryn."

"How is your wife?"

"Seven left after a few weeks of being married. Apparently I do not function at peak efficiency, and she wanted to find a new host. Those are her words not mine."

Kathryn had had her back turned when he had said it. She wanted to say something constructive, something sympathetic but the only thing that she could come up with was. "oh."

Chakotay walked up behind her and turned her small body around. Kathryn was trapped between the sink and the cabinet.

"I contacted your sister and spoke to her about you. She told me where I could find you. I thanked her for the information but she made me promise to do something in return."

"Knowing my sister it's probably something very underhanded. So what underhanded scheme does my sister want you to do for her?"

Chakotay smiled, not just a small smile but his whole dimpled smile. "Only this."

And then he kissed her letting his whole body rest upon his lips. Kathryn couldn't help but to respond. She had never, been kissed like that in her whole life. When Chakotay finally removed his lips, Kathryn was flustered.

"Chakotay, I love you."

Chakotay grinned again. But this time Kathryn took his lips first.

Phoebe returned home later that night. When she found her sister and Chakotay snuggled on the couch together she smiled. "I wonder if he has a brother." She turned out the light and went upstairs.

The End- P.S. I don't always write happy ending stories. Life isn't always a happy ending, why should fan fiction be any different?


End file.
